Remembering Sunday
by gagafan22796
Summary: Several years after the Total Drama shows, life isn't as great as it seems. How do you deal is the question of the day, not who's to blame...that's plain to see.


Hi there! I love the _Total Drama_ shows, they're awesome. With that in mind, I thought it'd be fun to write something about my favorite _forbidden_ couple (Chris and Lindsay), they're adorable! I was bummed, when the cast changed for season four…but alas, I shall survive…

**This is my first fanfic for _Total Drama_, I don't own it, the awesome characters, or the fantastic song (_Remembering Sunday _by All Time Low feat. Juliet Simms_)_** it'd be awesome if I did though, the things I'd do to that show…

If the characters are somewhat different from what you were expecting, I apologize. Heads up, this is several years after the Total Drama series if you wanted to know...

**I tried a different approach when writing this, so any feminine pronoun is directed towards Lindsay, I just felt when I was writing this that the emotions were expressed easier without her name written many times.** If this is confusing or a simply ridiculous concept, please let me know I'd be happy to change it.

* * *

**Remembering Sunday**

_He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes  
__Started making his way past two in the morning  
__He hasn't been sober for days_

Setting the bottle down is perhaps the hardest thing Chris has had to do all day...no getting up and moving on once his entire reason for existence leaves is worse, much worse. It's rather funny looking back and realizing how over the years she slowly but surely worked her way into his heart; a heart that he wasn't even aware that he had. It's too bad, that he didn't realize how much she meant to him, until that _horrid_ Sunday…or maybe he really _did_ notice like she claimed, and just couldn't commit to the idea of caring for her on _any_ level. It's funny how close the word _he'll_ is to _hell, _which is Chris's new normal; _why_ you ask? Well, it all started that damn Sunday, a fight earlier that day ended not one, but two lives-no, not _ended,_ to end would be a mercy to kind for the cruelty _she_ endured. Chris deserved to suffer; she deserves to live and maybe a cookie or two...

_Leaning now into the breeze  
__Remembering Sunday  
__He falls to his knees_

What's the point in continuing the ruse of normalcy, when all he wants to do is die? Is that normal? He seriously doubted anyone else went through this torture, nor did _they_ deserve it; Chris knew he was paying for his sins, but he didn't understand how punishing _both_ of them atoned for his. She asked for proof that he loved her, and he left. Damn! He wishes to go back and change what happened, because by the time he figured out he was wrong, she was gone…

_They had breakfast together_  
_But two eggs don't last like the feeling of what he needs_

He wanted those _odd_ feelings he always had when she was around to go away, that is they until _actually_ did, and he died inside. All she wanted was love; all he gave was a smirk and the _occasional_ slot in his busy schedule…the idiot!

_Now this place seems familiar to him  
__She pulls on his hand with a devilish grin  
__She led him upstairs  
__She led him upstairs  
__Left him dying to get in_

She did everything, gave up _everything_ for him, so he'd care or at least _try_ to care. Instead, she received a fling that just wouldn't die, and a heart that broke a little more, every time he closed the door and didn't take her with him. That Sunday, she finally had enough; with nothing left inside, she left and knew that she would never come back…however _never_ is a long time. If only she had stayed a few more minutes for Chris to come back and realize his mistake, or better yet if he would've swallowed his pride and chose to stay, none of this would've happened.

_Forgive me, I'm trying to find  
__My calling, I'm calling at night  
__I don't mean to be a bother  
__But have you seen this girl?_

He came back that _horrid_ day, only to find she left. He should have noticed the deadness in her eyes, or listened to her pleading, what she asked for wasn't that much in the grand scheme of things. All she wanted was to stop hiding in the shadows and be with him; not the girl now woman, he chose to visit when his latest fling ended, or when he wanted something to do. She loved him unconditionally, and he didn't realize he cared until it was too late…it's almost funny how life works out isn't it?

_She's been running through my dreams  
__And it's been driving me crazy it seems  
__I'm gonna ask her to marry me_

He goes to sleep remembering her childlike giggles and dreams of holding her in his arms. _These_ are the things she deserved, but never received, because there was never enough time or a good enough reason for Chris to do anything...or so he thought. Chris was too afraid of his reputation being tarnished, to realize he killed _both_ of them every time he left her for someone else, when they both knew, to an extent, that he only ran, because he was afraid of feeling anything for her beyond the physical manifestations of lust and attraction. Chris spent his entire life going from one thing to another, one girl to the next, in hope that he wouldn't become attached and lose whatever caused the feeling or simply because he didn't want to use the _effort_ feeling required; regardless of the reason, Chris seemed determined to avoid feeling anything at all cost, _unless_ he was guaranteed to come out on top and without a scratch. It's tragic really, how he couldn't accept that _he_ of all people was capable of loving another and being loved in return, that wasn't because of his fame and wealth. She fell in love with Chris McLean the _person,_ and not the _persona_ everyone assumed that he would only ever be. She loved him, just the way he was: a cruel, narcissistic tv host, who is somewhat of a sadist, and has the _potential_ to care, if someone simply gave him the chance and was willing to wait for him to realize he _could._ She saw the sliver of good in him, even if no one else did. He still doesn't understand why a beautiful young woman would fall into love with Chris the _person,_ rather that Chris the rich tv host; God knows he doesn't deserve it.

_And even though she doesn't believe in love  
__He's determined to call her bluff  
__Who could deny these butterflies?  
__They're filling his gut_

The yelling and begging for Chris to stay weren't enough for her anymore. She grabbed her favorite boots and a light jacket, deciding to go out for a walk. Love is a strange thing, it consumes you entirely, to the point that you can't think of doing anything or being with anyone else. Days like that horrid Sunday made her wish, just once, that she would've chosen to fall for that track-suit...Tyler who cared so much for her…if only, she would've been loved unconditionally, _and_ they would've been able to go out in public without fear of what people think. Why couldn't she be enough for the man she _actually_ loved? She tried so hard to do what he wanted and be what he needed, but she could never _do_ enough or _be_ enough for Chris to stay, let alone be happy. She never understood what she did wrong, and no matter how hard she tried, he would still push her away.

She would never be enough for Chris to give up his pride and go back on what he believed in, she would always be second best to his pride and status, with that in mind, she gave up and decided to leave. That Sunday she leaves mere _minutes_ after him, who knows…maybe if fate had been on their side they would've met and the tragedy that day ended in wouldn't happen…too bad fate wasn't in the mood. Chris decided to head back to her loft to apologize and tell her he'll change, like he always does, but she wasn't there, that was a bad sign, because she always waited for Chris to come back and apologize_…always._

_Waking the neighbors  
Unfamiliar faces  
He please though he tries  
But he's only denied  
Now he's dying to get inside_

Fate clearly wasn't on their side, because none of the neighbors had seen her leave, it was like she disappeared in a puff of smoke or dissolved in her own tears. Chris started to panic, had she finally realized how much better off she was without him and actually _left?_ God knows that would be the best option for her, too bad Chris was selfish and didn't want to share, if she was even his to claim in the first place. He had a strange feeling, and not just the loneliness that always consumes his chest when he leaves, no this was a feeling of dread…there's no way she would do anything ridiculous right? She wasn't _that_ upset…she can't be! Chris ran out of the building terrified, which is no small feat mind you, what if something happens to her?

_Forgive me, I'm trying to find  
My calling, I'm calling at night  
I don't mean to be a bother  
But have you seen this girl?_

Think brain, think where could she be? She just moved into the city and navigation isn't her strong suit; hell _anything_ that requires using a brain tends to be out of her element. The only thing she cares about are _feelings_ and pretty things...Oh God! He remembered her sharing how pretty the bridge is; it looks like you could jump right off and fly to Heaven…

"Chris you have to see it sometime at sunset, it's so pretty…maybe we could go to-together…no never mind th-that's silly, I know you have stuff to do…"

_She's been running through my dreams  
__And it's been driving me crazy it seems  
__I'm gonna ask her to marry me_

He felt deep inside that sharing that little tidbit was a glimpse into her thoughts…_jump off the bridge at sunset_…what would happen if he wasn't listening, like usual? Wait, she's not suicidal, she _can't_ be…she's too caring, too sweet. What would happen to him if she left him all alone? One word popped into his head, or rather screamed "**RUN**"!

_The neighbors said she moved away  
__Funny how it rained all day  
__I didn't think much of it then  
__But it's starting to all make sense_

He couldn't believe he didn't see it before; how she was slowly dying in his arms, th-this is all his fault! Outside it was pouring rain, but Chris hardly noticed he was completely drenched in seconds. He had other things on his mind, he had to find her. This, this was so strange and out of character for him to feel this much for _anyone…even_ his mother didn't received this much attention from a once young Chris, and he absolutely adored his mother. What's happening to him? No better yet, why does it feel like the best _and_ worst thing he's ever felt at once? Realizing you have feelings _should_ be a good thing, too bad timing clearly wasn't on Chris's side.

_Oh I can see now  
__That all of these clouds are  
__Following me in my desperate endeavor  
__To find my whoever  
__Wherever she may be_

Paparazzi were attempting to follow a deranged Chris, while he was running down the road. He paid them no mind, he had other things to think about. Where is she? There's no way she can walk _that_ fast and her purse was still inside, so she couldn't have called a cab…this is bad. He needed to find her and hold her and never let her go again.

The paparazzi were chasing Chris through the city; trying to figure out where he was going, because his crazed state practically guaranteed a headline story. His attitude seemed somewhat off-putting to those following him, little did they know how confused he was. He may have finally realized what she had said all these years: he did have a heart…it was just small, because it wasn't used much, but he _had_ one and hopefully one day he'd use it to show how much he really cared for her, too bad he didn't make this realization until now.

_I'm not coming back  
__After something so terrible  
__I'm terrified to speak  
__But you'd expect that from me_

Chris was right, she was walking towards the bridge, turns out it was closer than it seemed. This was _his_ fault, and he'd do _anything_ to make it better! He ran faster towards her, as she neared the guard rails. Time was running out, she was getting too close, and he seemed too far away. For the first time in his life, Chris was honestly afraid.

_I'm mixed up  
__I'll be blunt  
__Now the rain is just washing you out of my hair  
__And out of my mind_

She took a deep breath and grabbed the railing. She couldn't be second best anymore, she wanted him, _all_ of him…not the pieces he rarely gave, just enough so she wouldn't leave. Well, the jokes on him, because she wasn't just leaving him, she was leaving it _all._ After-all, what is the point in living a life, once your heart dies?

Slowly, but surely she grabbed the rails and pulled herself up. It wouldn't hurt that much, she'd dived from high places before. At this thought, she remembered the summer her heart found the person she loved, and how it slowly started to die as she fought to be enough for a man who just didn't care, or at least couldn't _prove_ he did. Well, the sooner she jumped, the sooner the feeling of flying and then the release would come; she wouldn't hurt anymore, she'd move on. It's funny how close and enticing the dark waters are. She felt like a mermaid or siren being beckoned home; the waves were so rough, and the shore so far away…she wouldn't survive this fall, not this time…

_Keeping an eye on the world  
__So many thousands of feet off the ground  
_I'm over you now  
_I'm at home in the clouds  
__Towering over your head_

Chris ran as fast as he could, maybe even faster than he _knew_ he could, because he _had_ to reach her. He was _nothing_ without her, which is why he had to keep leaving her, because the feelings he felt were s_o_ confusing that he honestly didn't know what to do, but he'd figure out what to do, if he was given a chance. She was the _only_ thing that gave him these feelings, and she was the _only_ thing worth feeling them for. She had cared for him for years without asking him to reciprocate, hell at this point she shouldn't have even needed to ask. He should have told her he cared, it shouldn't have been something to even consider or something difficult to say; too bad he didn't realize himself until he was so close to losing her that he _did _care. It's funny how life works out isn't it?

He was close enough now, that he was stunned for what seemed like the thousandth time by her beauty. Standing on that rail with her blond hair blowing and her eyes closed as if in meditation, she looked like the angel he knows she is. Her innocence and compassion amazed him; no matter how cruel someone was to her, she still cared. She is too pure, too good for him, she deserves someone better, yet she clings to him, in hope that he'd realize that he's really not as bad as everyone says. He's good too…just in a different way, a way that the world can't accept yet, because Chris can't accept the thought himself. As he neared her, Chris knew that he'd have to do something drastic, or risk losing the first thing he's honestly cared about in what seems like forever. He finally made a decision, screw his image. He took a breath and yelled:

"Lindsay!"

She looked up at him and smiled, however the smile didn't last long before a look of terror washed over her face. No one really knows if that look came from her shock of Chris finding her attempt at suicide or if it was because she had started to slip. Rain is not a good thing to have when trying to balance on an object, it makes things slippery, which in this case was horrible component to an already difficult situation. Rain is meant to calm and renew someone, not magnify one's tears.

When she started to slip, Chris was close by and attempted to catch her. However, he wasn't close enough to grab more than her leg, which was starting to slip between his fingers. It's a shame he didn't spend more time exercising and less time on his hair, at this point he only had her boot in his hand, and even that was falling from his grasp. They were both terrified, neither wanted her to die, well at least not _now…_

She was crying now, hopping he wouldn't let go; he _always_ let go. He'd leave and she'd die, a little more each time, however she'd never been this close to death in her entire life, it was absolutely terrifying! She was wrong, the water wasn't enticing and calming, it was frightening and far too close. She looked into his eyes as she felt her foot slide out of her boot; she'd lost so much weight recently in her depressed state, that they didn't fit correctly. She was going to die…but she'd go happily staring into the most gorgeous dark brown eyes, staring at the man she loved...

Chris knew he had to do something because she was slipping out of her boot, had she really lost that much weight recently? He did something he hadn't done in years, Chris told the truth, the _whole_ truth:

"I LOVE YOU LINDSAY…"

Gasps could be heard from the paparazzi that had followed Chris. He had completely forgotten they were there, with everything that had happened, they didn't register in his brain. Those idiots just stood there the _entire _time Lindsay attempted to kill herself. They didn't offer to help Chris save her or even consider moving; they didn't do anything but ready their cameras. They just stood there and watched to drama, knowing the perfect shot would give any member watching this story unfold more money than they could ever possibly dream of. Thankfully one person was smart enough to call the police after Chris's declaration and hoped help would arrive in time.

Lindsay smiled, because this was the second time Chris had told her that and _actually_ meant it. Sure, there were countless times, when he would say that _little_ phrase to keep her around or to get whatever it is that he wanted, but nothing felt as wonderful as hearing the _one_ thing she always hoped to hear meant, not once, but _twice_ in a lifetime. She continued to stare at Chris, however she was crying harder now, when she replied:

"I LOVE YOU TOO, and I'm sorry…"

_Well I guess I'll go home now  
__I guess I'll go home now  
__I guess I'll go home now  
__I guess I'll go home_

The last bit was very quiet, as she slowly fell out of her boot. In a panic Chris attempted to follow her, not truly realizing the results of his actions. He just knew that by watching her fall, he was watching part of _himself_ die as well. Someone held him back and said something about a boat that would try to get her before she drowned. She made such a little splash, that Chris didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Chris fell to his knees and gave up, he was a truly sad sight to behold, with one tear falling down his cheek and hair in a state of disarray, and for once he didn't care.

* * *

So here he was, Chris McLean, sitting in a hospital room watching the only thing he cares about slowly die. She was found barely alive, freezing cold with a minimal pulse. Her doctor said that another thirty seconds, and she would've died; he said it's a miracle that she's alive, if you call _this _being alive. It's so sad to see such a beautiful woman hooked up to wires and tubes in a coma, she's wasting precious time in her life laying on a hospital bed. Her doctor said that if she doesn't start making a _serious_ recovery by the end of the week, it's unlikely that she ever will.

Life is cruel, the people who have everything are typically horrible people who don't deserve it,_ he should know. _Yet there are people out in the world who are so kind and compassionate, that they slowly, but surely change the life of those around them for the better. It's those people who just see the good in life, not the bad; they deserve everything, yet it seems they're always the people who end up getting hurt, to teach someone else a lesson. She doesn't deserve to spend the rest of her life slowly dying in a hospital bed, with a 50/50 chance of waking up, it's not fair, it's _his_ fault she's here; if he had figured his shit out, and realized how he felt, none of this would've happened.

Lindsay _was,_ no is, so kind to others, no matter how horrible they were towards her. When doctors asked if she had any family to contact Chris had _one_ number, how sad is that, and to make matters worse when he called, her family, they didn't care. They said it's _her_ fault for falling for a dirt-bag; how can someone so _perfect,_ come from people so cruel? It turns out, that few people _actually_ cared enough to see her, several of her old cast mates came by to visit_ (which was rather awkward)_, and her sister Paula also showed up with her husband and son, she was the only one who cared in Lindsay's _entire_ family. A total of twenty-six people came to see the only person he'd ever met who just cared without thinking about the consequences.

Now here Chris was, sitting on a plastic chair staring at Lindsay, while drinking alcohol hidden in a water bottle, that either Chef or Duncan gave it to him…he didn't really remember, and he honestly didn't care. He has filled his days by drinking away his sorrow watching Lindsay's heartbeat slowly _'blip'_ on the heart-rate monitor. This has become Chris's new_ normal. _Life isn't fair, she deserves a life full of happiness after all the shit he's put her through, instead she's in a hospital.

Look, he's on tv _again._ It seems that his declaration of love for Lindsay has been the _hottest_ piece of gossip on tv the last few days. Eventually, he'll have to explain to the police and public what happened, and how he _destroyed_ her chance at having a life full happiness and love, by falling into love with her himself, but for today he'll watch her heartbeat and drink…

* * *

Hi again, so what do you think? I feel that the story went well, even if it was rather depressing, sorry if you're all sad now...

Please leave me a review of what you thought and what you did and didn't like...

x Kelsey


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